by Daniel Stern, Nadia Bruschweiler-Stern, & Alison Freeland
1998, 230 pages, hardcover FM9845

The Birth of a Mother is a gift to mothers everywhere. Easy to read, full of information, the book is appealing to many. The authors have looked into the minds and emotions of mothers. They uncover the thoughts and emotions of pregnancy, giving birth, and the postpartum period. By LISTENING to women, they are able to relate what many books have not - the inside life of early motherhood, the positives and the stresses, the worries and the delights. This is an easy-to-read, companionable guide to the development of an identity as a mother, full of reassurances and insights, showing the realities, insecurities, and growth as an individual becomes a mother.

As stated in the introduction, one person commented to the author: "'Well, Dr. Stern, I think the things you have to say about the motherhood mindset are obvious once I hear them. But it seems my grandmother could have told me the same thing.' My point is that your grandmother could have told you these things, but didn't. Neither did your obstetrician, or your older sister, or your own mother. The motherhood mindset may be obvious, but in our society, it is rarely discussed." The Birth of a Mother discusses this mindset beautifully.

"...almost without exception, the birth of her baby (especially the first one) is a center event in a woman's life, in equal parts miraculous and traumatic, packed with unforgettable emotion and implications... it is a story that never gets fully told, not even to the mother herself, and therefore remains a partially known, unmovable cornerstone in the construction of her life story." p. 57.

For all the gravity and duties of mothering, we are reminded that we are growing in our own self, our own roles, and how we can learn to grow and become better. This book provides much reassurance for us.

"Realizing that mistakes can be righted, and learning how to do so, is a fundamental lesson all of us needed to learn in order to live with others. Your baby needs to learn this as well. There are great advantages to making mistakes while learning to relate to your baby." p. 112.

The book spends time on the new mother's relationship with her own mother, the positive effects as well as not. The reader is encouraged to revisit her childhood and make peace with her own mother and her own childhood so she can move on and assimilate her own mothering style.

The book has specific chapters on a mother's first-year journal, how a baby feels and interacts, becoming the mother of a premature or a handicapped baby and its implications, career decisions, and husbands and fatherhood.

I felt concern beginning this book - how can a man write a book about becoming a mother? Dr. Stern has done a beautiful job, and after reading a few pages, my concern evaporated. He listens to the mothers and shares their stories.

I would give The Birth of a Mother to expectant mothers, to mothers adjusting to their roles - many mothers would benefit from this book! Although intended for the lay family, it is a valuable resource for all professionals dealing with the perinatal period.

This book was discussed by another childbirth educator at a recent staff meeting. She, too, encouraged others on staff to read it!

Reviewed by Sue Huth, RN, BSN, ICCE, Kenmore, Washington USA