amber@icea.org's blog

Do you ever wonder what men really think about pregnancy, labor, birth, and breastfeeding? Is there a moment when they are jealous that the cannot experience it all first hand? Or do they secretly think "Oh wow, that was gross!" even as they are smiling and nodding while they watch us have a bowel movement in the middle of pushing our children out? 

I have caught my own husband inadvertently let his true feelings peek through his facial expressions, especially when I am excitedly sharing what I've just learned from reading my latest book on placental preservation. While he truly remains supportive, his (sometimes still immature) male mind is full of jokes, related anecdotes, and other inappropriate material forever ready to spill out at the worst moment. Most men only have to dwell on the intricacies of childbirth for nine months at a time, a few times in their lives (unless they are employed in the field)--as birth professionals,  our men have to live childbirth morning, noon, and night! 

And let's talk about men employed in the birth field for just a moment. What about the women in their lives? Do they ever feel threatened, or that their man is becoming less of a man because he sees vaginas all day long? Now I know that's a touchy subject, but as the old adage goes, it's always the plumber who has the leaky faucet. He's so busy fixing other people's faucets he's too tired/bored/sick of looking at faucets to fix his own when he gets home. Something to think about. On the flip side, I suppose a man working with pregnant women, babies, and new mothers on a daily basis might also become more tender, more loving, more compassionate  and more understanding when their wife has PMS or PPD. 

How do you look back at your own births? Most of us in the birthing community have had children, and for those of use who have, it is usually something that occurred during one of those births that awakened our passion for this field. For many women, the fire is lit by just how empowering and amazing their birth turns out to be. For others, it's the less positive aspects of their births that cause them to search for change, especially in a future pregnancy and birth. For me, it was an instinctual knowledge that there was something unnatural about following all the routines and "normal" interventions that were suggested and implemented in my first birth. 

For those of us who had the second type of birth experience, the negative kind (maybe more than once), there may be a feeling of gratitude that we discovered a better way in time for our other births. But what about if it takes two, three, four tries, and you still feel that somehow there were still things you didn't know, things you wished had been implemented into your birth experience?  Do you feel cheated? A little angry that somehow another first time mother seemed to know all about the benefits of home birth, birthing balls, rebozo tugging, delayed cord clamping, and skin to skin contact and somehow you missed out on that knowledge even after your second or third birth?